It Ain't Easy

What isn't?
Gosh, it feels like nothing is these last 8 weeks.

Savannah is 2 months old this Saturday.  We are still getting to know each other. She doesn't seem like a newborn. That little girl is so alert!

I'm still fighting the good fight when it comes to nursing her. I still haven't made the jump to introducing bottles, but I'm hoping to start producing enough to where I can offer 2-3 a day. My little girl and I haven't been apart for more than an hour-and-a-half since she was born. Though I love being with her, well, a momma needs her sanity time too.

I'm finding myself needing to take a break. This relief will come in the form of pre-pumped bottled milk. Eagerly awaiting production spike...still on a massive amount of Indian herbs and teas meant to kick up production.

Through whatever difficulty we're facing to get bottles, I'm proud of us for having gone this long. I've wanted to give up so many times. Too painful. Too tiring. Yet here we are, having gone 8 weeks already, weathered 2 impressive growth spurts.
Savannah is now in 3-6 month clothing. She's jumped into size 3 diapers and is now over 12 lbs.
She's cooing and smiling and being adorable!

Our biggest adventures these days are our daily neighborhood walks. The nanny takes the dogs on their Gentle Leaders while I push the stroller.
I'm still avoiding big outings though we did visit the Dubai Mall on her last doctor's appointment day.
It's RSV season and she hasn't had her first big round of vaccines. I'm waiting until the end of February to really start taking her out. RSV season will be over, her vaccines will be 10 days behind her and she'll be 10 weeks old. Some may say I'm being too cautious. That's ok.
I have found that every time I second guess my instinct for someone else's opinion on mommy stuff, I end up wishing I hadn't. So on this one, I'm sticking to my guns!

I began logging in to work from home this week. I get to keep this arrangement until first week of June. It's been a challenge. I imagined I'd set up my computer, lay the baby in her playpen and she would just sleep. I can't bring myself to just have her lay there and Savannah will not stand to be awake and not be entertained.

The nanny and I are working through schedule options to find the best fit.  Though now, we're kicking the idea around of bringing in a cleaning company once a week to do deep cleaning and have the nanny focus on being...the nanny.

Though I've tried to set up bed time routines and bed times (8pm), there are nights when Savannah works by her own schedule...and it usually involves how much milk she'd like to have before going to sleep.

My work is likely to start picking up steam in the next few weeks, so I'm eager to start developing some sort of schedule during the day.  It's just so hard because we are still feeding on-demand.
I think about how if we had been in the US, Savannah would already be at daycare and I would be back in the office.  It's honestly unimaginable!  6-8 weeks is just not enough time to establish routines with a baby.

I posted something on Facebook recently about not enjoying the first 2 months of newborn life.  I tallied over 30 comments.  I think people got the feeling I was saying I couldn't take it anymore or that I didn't have many moments of blissful joy.  Reality is though, the first 3 months are supposed to suck. 
Any mother who says the first three months were all rainbows and teddy bears is either not telling the truth, had tons of help and/or did not breast feed. 

I read a couple of articles about what's come to be known as the "fourth trimester."  The science behind it is...even full term, 40 week babies...are actually born 3 months ahead of when it would be ideal for them to be born. 
The theory is that unlike other mammals, because our brains are so much bigger and because they have to travel through a narrow pelvis, we have to be born 3 months ahead of a time when we would really be "fully developed."  If our pelvis were to be adjusted to fit a 3 month old baby, we basically couldn't walk upright.  Since we are born early, we basically spend our first 3 months in a state very much like that in the uterus.  However, since the outside world is so much harsher than the uterus (temp, light, noise...), it makes for a very rough 3 months for baby and new parents.

See - science behind my comment.  I really do wish moms would be honest with other moms-to-be...
I hear of so many moms either quitting their attempt at breast feeding because it hurts so much, so doesn't feel as if they're doing it correctly or short cutting something else, or just plain out feeling overwhelmed...

The first 4 weeks, I honestly couldn't understand why someone would go back and do this with a second baby!  This coming from someone who once thought she would have at least 4 kids!
Luckily, I've forgotten the exact excruciating pain felt after taking the first post-c-section steps.  I've forgotten most of the tear-inducing pain each time Savannah latched on to feed.
I can honestly see a future where I would want to go back and do this a second time...in a year or so...
First, we have to get at least 6 hours of continuous sleep.  8 weeks of sleep deprivation have added up. 
Earlier this week, I woke up at 3am nursing an invisible child.  I realized the baby noises I was hearing were Savannah in her nursery next door!
Two nights ago, Adam woke up asking where Savannah was...I guess because he heard me talking...I told him she was next to me, that I was preparing to feed her.  He snapped, "No she's not! She's in her room!"
Only then did I open my eyes to realize I was swaddling air!!

I have a feeling things will start improving/changing more each day.  She already spends a lot more time awake during the day.

I'm rolling with the punches, praying a lot and finding some peace in knowing what we're going through is standard operating procedure with a new baby.
On the plus side, she's freaking adorable and getting prettier every day!
So, she at leaset makes up for all the craziness she's brought on.