Random Wednesday: Domestic Help in the UAE

I know it's not yet Wednesday, but with the end of the week and holidays approaching, I wanted to post this one early.
Today, I'm trying my first link-up...though I seem to be technologically unequipped to do it properly!
I'm trying to link up with Because Shanna Said So for Random Wednesday!

I’d like to tell you more about one aspect of living in the UAE: domestic help.

…err…at least my experience with it so far.

Background for Perspective:

My experience managing domestic help prior to moving here or having domestic help living in my home: ZILCH!

My mom was a stay-at-home mom.  She took care of a lot of things for me growing up, honestly, too much.  She cooked all of our meals, cleaned house, laundry.  I didn’t have what one would call chores.  I cleaned up my room…but that was about as far as my domestic duties got while growing up.  I can admit I was overly spoiled on this matter. 

I grew up relatively poor, but yes, I grew up not really having to take care of things around the house.  So by those standards, I was spoiled.

Anyway…..

Before we ever knew of our expat assignment, we knew of the domestic help culture.  Our friends who had lived here told us about maids who ironed and folded underwear and always had home cooked meals prepared. 

It sounded wonderful!

Reality:
Eh, I have very mixed feelings on it and look forward to the day when we return to the US and no longer have a “need” for live-in domestic help.

The Hiring Process:

 I arrived 3 months pregnant with our first.  So, nanny experience was priority number 1!  We wanted someone who had experience with newborns, spoke and could read/write English…well, below is the actual ad we posted online.

Yes, I talk about cooking and cleaning schedules.

I mentioned that I had never managed domestic help, but I had managed employees at work.  It’s possible I may have needed to shift my management style (usually reserved for MBAs) a little, but this is what I knew.



Our nanny-for-hire ad



Also, I wanted to be clear from the beginning what expectations were ahead. 

I received HILARIOUS responses back on my ad.  Below is an actual picture of Babar – a Pakistani MAN looking to fill my open nanny/maid position.  Seriously!

Babar's nanny application picture

The only thing his email said was:

“i want jobs madam sir”

I kid you not!  It was written just like that.  I actually copied that from his email to me.

I did get at least 20 or so responses I was willing to take to a phone interview.  I actually interviewed around 15 different people via phone.

Now, before anyone goes all PC about my ad listing the country the applicant should be from, the reason I specified is because there is such a mix of cultures and religious beliefs here.  I wanted someone who was comfortable with us celebrating Christian holidays.  Also, I had been told culture in the Philippines was most like my own Mexican background.  This would make the awkward situation of a stranger moving into our home slightly easier.

If it makes a difference, EVERY SINGLE APPLICANT asked ME where I was from, where my husband was from and our religion.

See, it goes both ways.

After all of the phone calls, I narrowed it down to a handful I was willing to meet.  Right from the beginning, I had the best feeling from the lady we hired.  It helped that her boss at the time, they call it her “madam”, was willing to meet me to discuss her performance while living with them and helping them raise their three kids. 

She had experience with newborns and even better, she has two kids of her own back in the Philippines.  We decided to move her in early ahead of the baby being born so we could get to know each other and learn to trust one another.

I warned from the first time I met her that I was severely OCD and a Type-A.  She didn’t really understand what that meant, so I put it to her bluntly, “I am going to be the most controlling and demanding person you are ever going to meet in your entire life.”

I think she understood that.  In the event that didn’t work, I pulled out 4 sheets of paper….a list of rules, a contract, a good faith contract and a work schedule.    

Her eyes opened up real wide, but I was so impressed that she stopped talking and actually carefully read through everything I gave her.  She responded at the end with “Ok, I can do this.“

Look, I won’t take the blame for being the only OCD person in the house.  Adam is pretty bad too.  I think it comes from having lived without kids for 10 years.  We’re both perfectionists by nature and we had become accustomed to nobody touching our things.  We cleaned and maintained our home exactly the way we wanted it. 



Her daily schedule of duties



Our "good faith" contract



Our rules contract



So how are things now?

All in all, pretty well.  Our nanny has gotten to know our personalities.  It’s still a difficult balance for me.  I know I’m her boss, but since she’s been living in our home for almost 5 months, you can’t help but occasionally talk to her like a friend.

I try very hard to keep our conversation to matters of the home, the dogs, the baby, cleaning, cooking….but every once in a while, I get comfortable and jump into girl talk.

I know it’s hard for her too.  She has family here and has made friends from the Philippines, but she’s still here “alone.”  I know she misses her kids and sometimes just wants to have friendly non-work chatter.  I allow myself to have it every once in a while, but I do try to  catch myself when it goes too long.

It just gets so hard to ask her to fold my sheets a certain way after we’ve just finished a conversation like friends. 

We’ve had two instances where something has happened by accident (very small things) and I believe, out of fear, she didn’t tell us.  We’re both the type that notice everything so immediately caught both.  The first time, I tried to stress honesty, even in the smallest degree.  I had that conversation by myself with her.

 The second time, so that she would understand the serious nature of trust and honesty in a home we’re about to bring a newborn into, I brought Adam into the conversation.  We didn’t raise our voices or talk down, but we were extremely stern.  I told her that if I could not trust her, she would not work for me as I could not leave my baby with someone I could not trust. 

For her, not working for the  person who sponsors your visa…that means deportation.  It was so hard having that conversation.  She cried and I felt bad, but I felt like we needed to be clear.

Then, here come the holidays.  I know she misses her family and I want to include her, but a part of me wishes it was just our little family.

We may end up giving her a couple of days off so that we can have a more private affair.  She lives with us day-in and day-out (most homes like ours have “maid’s quarters”).

It’s still strange for me that the standard work week for her is 6 days a week, but this is standard.

We find that we actually offer a much more lenient schedule than most as they usually are expected to work 24 hours a day, with one day off.

Our schedule is 7am – 8:30pm with lunch break, 6 days a week.  That’s on paper, but we know that she’s fast with her cleaning duties and usually has time to retire to her room for a few hours between lunch time and 5pm. 

We love having a home cooked meal when we arrive from work, but we still enjoy cooking some of our own meals.  We provide a menu with recipes at the beginning of the week.  She’s turned out to be very good at reading and following recipes.

Sometimes cleaning instructions need to be repeated a few times, but once I take the time to stress it and show her what I mean, she seems to follow along pretty well.

It has its perks and if you’re the type that likes everything done for you, it works out pretty well.

If you’re even the slightest control freak, it’s a hard adjustment.

I didn’t know how else to manage such a major unfamiliar situation, so I did it the only way I knew how to…with contracts, rules, paperwork and spreadsheets. 

I guess the whole magical picture of what it would be like to have live-in help…I don’t know that it’s 100% for us.