A Love Letter to Savannah

My Dear Savannah,

First off, you may be a mere 17 inches long, and still two months away from being born, but you already terrify me.

There is a life ahead of you full of adventure, happy moments, learning and love.  However, there is also a life ahead of you that will undoubtedly include disappointment, sadness, heartbreak and danger.

When anyone walks too close to us now while I’m carrying you, I instinctively cover my belly with my arms.  There will be a point, very soon, where I won’t be able to carry you everywhere I go and feel your constant kicks and every move.  I get shivers thinking of a time even further from that where you’ll have to face things on your own and make snap decisions because I’m not there to whisper in your ear. 

I constantly make mental lists of everything I want to tell you…every piece of advice I hope I’ve come by in a hard-earned fashion to spare you from having to learn through hard lessons. 

I have so many wishes for you, but most of all, I hope that you always feel loved, supported and cherished.  I hope that whenever life deals you a brutal blow, you are comforted by the thought your mother is always there to comfort you through tears, share in your frustration, encourage you to fight on and always let you know everything will be ok. 

When I first found out we were going to have a baby, I was comforted by the assumption we would have a  boy.  Once it was confirmed you were a girl, every possible insecurity I had ever felt came boiling to the surface.  I became almost paralyzed with fear of passing any of that to you.  I’ve grown up to be a relatively strong woman, but finding out you would be watching my every move, learning from me, has brought me to my knees.

I want everything for you.  I want you to share in all my strengths, to become one hundred times stronger than I’ve ever been.  I want you to share none of my insecurities.  I want you to feel powerful and confident, believing from day one that you could rule the world.  When life gives you setbacks, I don’t want you to question your abilities or whether you’re enough to tackle them, but merely be confident that you have what it takes to change your approach and overcome them. 

You have brought so many scary feelings to the surface, but I’m grateful to you for this and I’m grateful for all of the sudden pressures I feel to grow and evolve as a woman and mother.  I’m grateful to you for the sudden need to become crafty, to become a semi-proficient photographer, to become healthy and aware of my everyday attire.  Some of this awareness seems frilly on the surface, but I have the sense you will be watching and learning, even when I don’t mean to be giving you a profound life lesson.  It is the influence that I am destined to have over  you that terrifies me and puts me at attention. 

You make me want to be so much better than I ever aspired to be.  This is why I am so deeply in love with you, even before seeing you face-to-face.  You are so tiny and unaware, but without meaning to, you are already making someone’s, my, world better.  I can’t wait to see how you shape the world around you, and how much of a difference you’re destined to make to everyone around you once you actually mean to.       

I hope I don’t disappoint you.  I promise to work hard every day to make both of our lives better.  I promise to make our home a loving and warm environment for you to thrive within.  Sometimes, the rules I give you may not make sense and you may get angry with me at the boundaries I set.  I will do so with the best intentions to both protect you, push you to do your best and make you strong. 

Thank you ahead of time for all the wonder you’re bound to bring.  It’s going to be a joy to watch you grow!

Sincerely,

Your mother, Myrna